What would you have done?

[pcsews]

My son tried out for basketball this year as basketball is the ONLY sport he likes to play. After the first day of tryouts, I didn't let my son go back. I heard from a friend that the coach cussed and harassed the boys. He said the "f" word and just about every other word in the book. He also told them that if they didn't like his language that they could get the "f" out of his gym. And if they went home crying to their mommas that they would be cut from the team. My son did not tell me this as he really wanted to play ball. When I learned what had happened I questioned my son. I didn't tell him what all I knew, I just asked what did he say. He then proceeded to tell me everything that I already knew. I called the principal the next day but he said he couldn't do anything about it as I wouldn't tell him my sons name. I then talked to the superintendent of the school system. He said he would do something about it. I ended up telling him my sons name as my son said yes he would talk to him. They interviewed a couple of the boys that made the team and they told the superintendent that the coach did not say those things. I kept persuing this and finally a couple of other boys came forward and said that yes, he did say those things. The "reprimanded" the coach but he is still coaching and my son is not getting to play basketball this year!! Pretty sad that we let coaches treat our children this way!!! I think he should have been fired from coaching and a new try-out should have been done! What do you think? Am I over reacting?

[pcsews]

You know, it really upsets me still. I mean, I'm trying to teach my son that that's not how you treat other people but what does he see out of all of this... He doesn't get to play ball. He says he understands and he didn't really want to play for this coach either, but I still feel bad because he doesn't get to play!! Next year he goes to the high school so maybe it will be better!!

[StitchinGrandma]

I have gone up against the school system quite a few times when my kids were in school. HATED it but teaching my children right from wrong and to not let anyone, even those in authority do something that's not allowed/right is the biggest lesson I was hoping for. It's too bad they are now not letting him play though.

One of the times I was going up against our chief of police because he lied when intereviewed by the newspapers and I was not happy about it as I had proof to the contrary of what he said was to call the newspaper and set the facts straight. The Chief wasn't too pleased with me but too bad. If you think you need to prove your point further then go to the media. It may not allow him the opportunity to play this year but they will know you are not one to be messed with either. :D I think I'd discuss it with your son first though and get his thoughts. He may just want to drop it all.

[pcsews]

I have thought about the media...only one newspaper in our small town...I'm gonna ask him what he thinks!! I don't want him to get picked on at school either!!

[StitchinGrandma]

We live in a small town too and don't even have our own newspaper. We get news from the one in the next city, which happens to also be in another state. LOL At the time this happened, our town was only about 3500 people. Just getting this info out to the general public is enough so that other parents are aware of how the school is allowing the teachers to speak to their children. They probably have NO clue but once it's out, they'll wonder how many others are allowed to as well. ;) Also, you have an entire school board who do not want trouble with the state funding. I have a feeling, if you contacted the State School Board and asked them if it is considered verbal abuse to yell at kids the way he was that THEY would be very interested. Just some other thoughts for you.

[clae]

I think you did the right thing but I know what you mean. Its hard sometimes because you want your kids to fit in. No kids needs to hear that kind of language. He should have been fired....I hope everything works out for your son....

[sew blessed]

That is a tough sittuation. Are there any other teams, such as rec. dept. instead of the school team? Probably not if it is a small town, ask around maybe you can find another activity to interest your son. Also I learned the hard way my word against yours, usually means you win. I used video clips on a cammera to prove how my landlord behaved when I called the police on him. I have also heard of people using video on cell phones, and also pocket tape recorders. I think it is hard to ignore the real sittuation when you can catch the person in the act!

[ShirleyC]

I hate to hear of stuff like that, but it's sad to say it goes on a lot more than people realize. I'm a 5th grade teacher, but I've been to games and heard such things were going on, and the comment always is "That's just part of playing ball."
Well, I'm glad my son didn't play ball then. I think it is disgusting and a coach should be able to coach without that kind of language. It might not bother some kids, but I'm sure there are many that it does bother.
The sad thing is the school boards won't do anything about it until someone files a lawsuit and makes headlines in the news (as with the sex scandals, and they've been all around this area with high school teachers and students).
I hope your situation gets addressed. It needs to be.

[Honeybee]

I would have had a committee of parents in the superintendent's office, then gone to the medial if results were gotten

[pcsews]

The sad part is....the 3rd day of try-outs the Coach asked the boys "who ratted him out"....

[SewAddicted]

This is so hard. My son was in a similar situation in a very small town. The boys won't speak up because they want to play. Meanwhile the coach is keeping his abusive ways going in ways that are similar to children being abused, i.e. promising extra to those who keep his secret safe, outs-ing (don't think that's a real word!) those who rebel or tell, and getting the other kids to do the same. My son ended up quiting the team, and never played again. I kept his secret, per my sons request. I regret it now. Now, I would do the exact same thing you did. Unfortunately, it's our kids who lose out.

Pam

[JenZ]

Does your school have a student athlete policy? Most schools have some sort of policy where anytime a student is participating in a school sponsored event (like sports) they are representing the school. Because of this they can get punished by the school for doing things that normally would just be the domain of the parent (smoking, drinking, general hooliganery I guess) The school's rationale for this is that as representatives of the school they are reflecting poorly on their school. In my own high school a student was suspended for being at the local fair with a pack of cigarettes in his FFA jacket ( the advisor was there also and saw him). If your son is in high school I am sure he is subject to some standard for conduct as a student athlete and I think it is hypocrasy to allow the coach to possibly disregard that policy and still subject the students to it.

[Mabel]

What a bummer that someone who is to be an example can't even control his temper!

[kurthco]

I would of done the same thing. Its hard when you want your little ones to be involved and things like that happen.
I hope it gets resolved soon!

[Yeffie]

I would have reacted the same way.

I had a coach harrass me in high school, and I wish I had told my Daddy at the time.