Adult ADD -

[susank]

Does anyone have any experience with an adult being diagnosed with ADD. My husband and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch and after seeing a therapist have found out he has pretty severe ADD - and has had it all his life. We have both now read a lot of books about it and a lot of things are starting to make sense. But I wonder what other people's experiences are. Has anyone else been here? It's quite a huge adjustment and learning curve with much different issues than children with the issue.

There's always more information here than I would expect and I just wonder if anyone else has experience with this.

[debmac]

My daughter was not diagnosed until she was 24 years old. They started her on some medicine and you would not believe how much better she is. She is like a different person. She handles things better and she seems to not make impulse decisions like before. I never knew all of the symptoms. I thought that it was just people that could not be still. She would cry all of the time and always felt like people were ganging up on her. She was always messy and loosing things. She would never do her work on time and was always, always late to everything. I wish that we had found out sooner. I only hope that things will go as well for your husband as they have for her,.

[NJMo]

My niece was first diagnosed at age 36. Oh my -- what a difference. She takes minimal medications, but is more aware of her actions, behaviors and the reasons she does certain things. She is a civil engineer working on national and international hydropower projects. We all believe she would have sailed through school with proper medication instead of struggling. I am certainly proud of her, but even more so now that I know how much she had to overcome. I could cut and paste the signs and symptoms form debmac's post. My niece is a different person -- we loved her before, but now she's a great person and a pleasure to be around. AND, best of all, she married for the first time at age 37and now has the cutest ever little 11-month old boy.

[susank]

This is interesting to hear - especially that they both took medication. My husband does not want to do this but instead is trying to monitor and control his behaviour. He is the same - he thought he was going crazy and felt different from everyone else. Now that he knows what is wrong he is much relieved and learning to recognize why he does what he does. He is already getting better at controlling his impulsive behaviour. Thank God. I don't think we have any more room for the vehicles he keeps buying!!

I too wish I would have known what the symptoms were - I don't think that most people do and many people may have it or live with someone who has it without knowing. If anyone suspects its an issue there are many tests on line that would give you an idea if you may have ADD. If you think it may be an issue - look them up - it's quite an eye opener. My husband did one of them and scored over the top on 23 out of 24 indicators. Getting the diagnosis is the first step to getting your life back.

[Pedal Pusher]

Try to find him a project that he has no choice but to focus on. My boss was diagnosed about 5 years ago. He is a pilot and when he is flying he has to stay focused so he used that to train himself to do other duties with that same focus. I guess I am in the same boat I live with my boss 10 hours a day so I know how hard it is. Last count there were 27 cars titled in his name. It has helped that we can talk about it. When he is jumping from one project to another and getting nothing finished I can go to him and say this is what I need for you to do in the next 15 minutes and he can do that. We have done this long enough now that most times I can just give him the LOOK as he calls it and he will realize he needs to focus. Sorry you are having this trouble I will keep you both in my prayers. Just take one day at a time and find the bringht moments in each one.

Donna

[artsiegirl]

I have Adult ADD as well as OCD and do take medication for it. However, I have also learned over the years (even before diagnosis) to make what we teachers call 'accommodations' for my weaknesses that medicine does not always control. The way that I described it to my doctor is that it seems as if a million and one things are swirling around in my mind and are then spit out at random times, sometimes several things at once. I feel a sense of urgency to take on each thing coming at me even if I'm already dealing with something else. Does that make any sense at all? To be honest, it is often a help in my field (art) as my mind does bounce ideas around as I'm working on a project. It is truly a hindrance while I am teaching though. When I started teaching 11 1/2 years ago, it became very obvious that I would need medication to get me through the school year. All of the childrens' voices were pounding at me, and I couldn't figure out whre the noise and misbehavior was coming from. Medication really helped with that and with getting my lessons organized and completed. I still drift from one thing to another, and I must admit that I do overspend at times. I do have a very understanding and helpful husband that reins me in on a regulr basis. He has read much of the same literature I have, and I think that his understanding the disorder has helped us in our marriage. I married the most organized human there is...doesn't God have a sense of humor?!!!

[Pedal Pusher]

Artsiegirl, you describe my boss perfectly. As I said, he is a pilot and so he does not take any kind of medication but he does see a therapist and has been able to control alot of his. Although he did buy a golf course two months ago and doesn't even play golf. God sent your husband but you were the one with the good sense to keep him.

Donna

[susank]

This all sounds so familiar! I too am the organized perfectionist in our house. I think you need this -- 2 people with ADD would be a disaster.

Artsiegirl - your description of the way you felt is very similar to what my husband described. Do you also get lost on a regular basis? My husband has a GPS in every vehicle, on his blackberry, in his boat and even a small one he can carry with him. I have actually been in the car with him when we have dropped our daughters off at friends houses and after letting them out of the car he is not sure which way to turn when he pulls out of the driveway a minute later. At least now that I know he has ADD I don't just think he is really dumb! Now its just kind of funny --- for him too - it's much better than thinking you are going crazy.

[eshee]

Don't know if this will help anyone now or not...I was just treated for ADD at 30. What a difference meds can make, in addition to having someone, for me my husband, to help keep me focus on the most important task at hand. I can easily related to what you are saying about a million things in your head at a time and being unable to focus. The treatment has had helped me to reclaim my life and actually run my business!

[susank]

eshee - I'm happy things are working out for you. It must be a relief to know what is wrong. You are lucky you found it when you did. My husband is 52 and just found out - I think knowing earlier would have saved him a lot of grief. He is not on meds but much happier and adjusting better now that he knows what is wrong and what he has to do.

Good luck to you!

[katiedoodles]

Susan,

My husband was diagnosed when he was in Graduate school working on his PhD. He was nearly 35 at the time. He has taken medication in the past but there were so many side effects (sleeplessness bieng the worst) that he is now taking nothing. He too wished that he had been diagnosed earlier in his life, it would have made life easier. He is doing great without medication for the past 5 years :)

[susank]

Katiedoodles - just curious but --- what does he do to deal with it? Also, how do you deal with it? Sometimes I get frustrated by all the waiting around just to leave the house and the constant need for some new stimulation - i.e. sportscars, motorcycles, boats ...... As I say -- just curious.

[katiedoodles]

Susan,

He does have alot of hobbies (golf, scuba, woodworking, and now is rebuilding a Mustang). When he is at work he needs no interuptions in order to get any work accomplished, so he often works late. If he does get an interuption, it takes him nearly an hour to get back on track. He often puts his telephone on mute so the ringing won't disturb him. He keeps a notepad with him at all times, because if he doesn't write something down he will either forget it or it will drive him nuts that he might forget it.

I also keep him on track by reminding him of things he has committed to finishing or deadlines that he has upcoming. Like so many adults with ADD he often has difficulty finishing projects that he started, but I often "volunteer" to help him finish.

K

[susank]

Katie - this is interesting. My husband often works very late as well. In fact he has a hard time starting work before the afternoon. He also has a hard time finishing things - which is difficult because he is an independent consultant. In some ways it is good that he works for himself because employers would have a hard time putting up with this. He is very successful but likely because he works largely on his own schedule. When I first met him he had a job but he soon had to quit because he couldn't deal with authority. It has been 18 years and thankfully this was the right decision for him. I don't think many people have this luxury.

Sometimes I wonder what the future holds for young people with this condition. I have a friend with 3 boys and they all have it. They are in their late teens and are having a hard time finishing high school even though they are all very bright. They just can't focus on things they have no interest in. It's a tough condition to deal with. One of the boys is actually away at university and she has to call him to remind him when his classes are. Since moving away he has stopped taking his medication so it is really hard.

Everyone has a story I guess. I think that more people need to understand this though - if you have no idea what it involves it just seems that they are lazy, stupid or crazy (yes I have read the book!!).

Your husband is lucky he has you.