Need advice about how and when to take away a security blanket

[Jami Johnson]

My little Cameron, who just turned seven, has a dear blankie that he loves and has been a part of his life since he was a tiny baby. I don't have a problem with the blanket itself, but along with the blanket comes finger sucking (his two middle fingers). It has caused havoc with his teeth and I worry about it affecting him socially. He does it mostly just at home, but does on occasion suck them out in public even without his blanket. Usually, though, the blanket and fingers go hand in hand.

I think it's time the blanket disappears. We've talked to him about it openly and given him the choice to give it up, but he's very persistent that it's not going anywhere. Ever. Period.

He's going on a river rafting trip next week with David and I'm staying behind. He knows he can't take it on the river. Should I make it disappear while he's gone since he'll already have been without it for a few days? When he comes home, I'll just tell him it's gone. Basically, the cold turkey method. Or should we be up front with him and tell him we are taking it away. I don't want to cause permanent psychological damage to the poor child. Haha.

Anyone have experience with this? I have an eighteen-month old blankie and thumb sucker that I'll have to break eventually as well. Haha.

[LottieJo]

I had a grandson with a bad finger in the mouth habit and they had to put in a dental appliance to break him of the habit. He was told it was to get his teeth ready for braces. They didn’t want to cause any permanent psychological damage! And the blankie, well, good luck with that!!!

[fun2sew]

Sorry Jami... I never had a Thumb sucker so I can't help you.

I know my son had a blankie and he always laid it across his neck at night and finally at 10 years old gave it up, but its still in his dresser.

Also I have a 20 year old yet that still has her Dolly (RAGGY looking thing) she hids under her pillow and when she gets tired she rubs the dolls fingers inbetween hers..... It was hard for her to leave it behind when she went to Collage.

All Three of my Kids had braces but none were thumb suckers....

Good Luck girl!

[susank]

Jami - my daughters were not thumb suckers either so I don't know about that one.

However, I have a 16 year old that still has her blankie. I got her to stop taking it everywhere by telling her that I knew that because it was such a good friend she would want to have it all her life. The problem I pointed out was that blankie was wearing thin. I made a beautiful organza bag and we put blankie in the bag to protect it. It had a drawstring and she hung it on the end of her bed. She knew it was there and that she could have it but she did not want to wear it out. She still takes it out now if she's sad. There is not much left of it but it still makes her happy.

[StitchinGrandma]

That's a tough one Jami. Like others have said, I never had any of my kids suck their thumbs/fingers so anything I'd offer as advice would only be a guess. Have you asked their doc for any advice? Surely they've been asked a million times how to handle this very thing. Maybe they have some tried and true ways to offer you some help although I suspect it might be more a trial and error way of attacking that problem. It can't hurt to ask but I'm sure you may have done this already.

The blanket thing I also did not have to deal with. Hubby's son when he moved in at the age of 16 yrs still had one too and still does as far as I know but he doesn't carry it everywhere he goes but does take it on trips away overnight. I think at some point they realize how it affects them in public and will opt to have it be an at home only thing so hopefully at least that helps some for you.

I have read things to try for this one though but I can't recall exactly where; probably a magazine though like those you pick up in the peds office waiting room. One thing I read one time was to wash it in really hot water to see if that helps to shrink it and then each time it gets washed cut part of it off so it 'magically' keeps getting smaller and smaller. When it gets noticed the blanket is 'shrinking' then talk again like you have about it being time to give it up.

Some I had read mentioned they made something out of the blanket like a stuffed animal the child could have instead of a blanket. I'm not sure this is such a good idea because you may end up with him carrying a stuffed animal all over instead. I suppose it is possible the stuffed animal wouldn't be something he'd want to carry around everywhere.

I wish I had the perfect thing to tell you to 'fix' the problem but I suspect that since all children are different in how they react to things, this may end up being a trial and error type problem for you to figure out.

Sadly, you have two problems to deal with and taking the blanket away may increase the other problem or visa versa. He is old enough though that maybe if you sat him down again and showed pictures of bad teeth in need of braces he might realize on his own that he doesn't want his to look that way and decide to stop all by himself once he thinks about those pics. You could tell him you will help him if he agrees he should stop and that if you see him doing it you can make up some word that you will use to remind him he's doing it. I'm betting a lot of times he doesn't realize he's doing it because it's become a habit now and a gentle reminder of a secret word might help.

Good luck Jami. Kids can be such a joy but, so stressful for us to figure out because they are all so different from each other.

[lizanne]

Jami,

I have a story about my son (now 24 yrs), he had a fluffy white teddy bear as a baby, when he was about two, I searched for it's twin as it was getting very shabby and he never slept without it. His abiding love for his teddy "Paul" (he chose the name when he was old enough) continued as he grew and when he was seven he was invited to his first sleep-over birthday party. When he was packing his little bag the bear went in. I was afraid that he might cop some teasing from his little friends so I encouraged him to leave the bear at home. Finally I said, "You know your friends might be cruel and call you a baby if you take your bear", he said, "I don't mind, if they tease me Mum, I'll just punch them". I shouldn't laugh but I couldn't imagine him ever punching anyone.

He took the bear and as we arrived another little boy noticed Jordan's teddy and said to his Mum, "See Mum, I could have brought my teddy".

The next day when I quizzed him he said that his friends liked his bear and that most of them still had a toy or a blanket on their beds at home.

I think as parents we worry about things sometimes that just don't require that much energy. He's still so young and he's had a lot of change in the last year of two. As his confidence increases he may naturally separate from his blanket. I love Susan's idea, maybe it would work for you and Cameron but I wouldn't lie or mislead him, at his age he would remember it for a very long time.

None on my children were finger/thumb sucker, but several of my siblings were and all but one of them broke the habit on their own before or by about 8-10 yrs. My second oldest sister, Susan admits to still sucking her thumb occasionally, in private, and twiddling the corner of her pillowcase. She's 61 and has a wonderful life, husband, children, grandchildren, friends etc. I don't think it's held her back at all.

[Jami Johnson]

Thanks for the advice. Those are all good suggestions. All of my children have favorite blankets and I am fine with it. It's just when the blanket and finger sucking go hand in hand that it's tough. Luckily only two of the four have that issue. The others just enjoy having their blankets with them at night. You should see Evan's poor little blanket. He's loved that thing to pieces, literally.

I think perhaps I'll set up a dentist appointment and see what the dentist has to say about it. Maybe if he hears it from someone else he'll realize the damage it's doing. I hate to be the meanie. ;)

[debmac]

Jami,

My youngest daugher sucked her thumb and carried "pinky" (which was actually a beige silky nightgown of mine). She carried it everywhere when she was small and would suck her thumb everytime she had it. When she started school, she was embarassed about taking pinky with her, but there was no way she was leaving it at home. She cut off pieces and kept it in her pocket at all times. At school during nap time she would slide it in her pillowcase and rub it in hiding so no one else ever knew. I tried everyting to make her stop sucking here thumb. She always told us that she would stop when she started third grade. The first day of third grade was the last day that she ever sucked her thumb, but I still find pieces of pinky hidden all over the house. She did have to have braces, but so did my other two daughters and they never sucked their thumbs.

[lizanne]

Jami,
I tried everyting to make her stop sucking here thumb. She always told us that she would stop when she started third grade. The first day of third grade was the last day that she ever sucked her thumb.

Debmac, that's really interesting, did your daughter just volunteer that deadline or did you suggest she set one? And how long before the third grade did she start saying it?

I've actually encouraged my girls to offer pacifiers to their babies, thinking that they would be easier to take away than thumbs or fingers, but that doesn't always work. Babies want what babies want and if they are going to suck their thumbs they usually do.

I'm with you on the "pinky" though, who cares if they go to school so long as the little ones are happy.

[ctirish]

Jami, I raised two girls who are the mothers of my 5 grandchildren. Now I take care of two of the girls 5 days a week. I also ran a daycare for 7 years when my girls were little, so I feel like I have some experience in this area. IMHO - (in my humble opinion) - I would not take the blanket away from him at this point. One reason is that you lost that round the first time when you talked to him about it and didn't take it away then. Now he would turn into a battle you probably would not win. The stress of that would only have him sucking on his fingers even more than he does now. If I were you, I would continue with telling him he can't take it with him anywhere, grandma's a cousin not even out of his bed. I would tell him these are the rules once you are seven. Don't get into a discussion about it with him. Just state the rules and if he wants to discuss it- tell him this isn't a topic open for discussion. If he persists, just do not answer him. Then you have a couple of choices, one is to not say another word about it and wait for him to give it up. The other choice includes not saying anything to him but wash the blanket every few days. The first week you wash it, you tear a corner or a worn spot so if will start coming apart as you wash it. I would wash it every few days and with a little help each week the blanket will get smaller. You need to do this very gradually or he will catch on and start asking what is happening to his blanket. I would do this while he is in school or out somewhere so he doesn't see it happening. The bonus part of washing the blanket often is the smell that attracts him to it will disappear as well. The blanket then loses some of its appeal. As the blanket gets smaller - he may ask what is happening; just tell him the truth, things wear out and a blanket that old is not going to last much longer. Be patient and as you see him become less attached to it - don't get excited and start making it smaller too quickly, he may not question you but he may become more attached to his blanket or increase the finger sucking method of comforting himself. While all of this is going on - he needs to find another method of comforting himself and that will take some time. Part two of this is to take him to a pediatric orthodontist that you have spoken to in advance. You don't want him telling your son that the blanket or the finger sucking has to stop or he will ruin his teeth. You just want him to discuss ways to correct the problems with the shape of his mouth. If he needs an appliance to correct or maintain the shape of his mouth, that will help by deterring the finger sucking. He will realize an appliance interferes with the way he sucks on his fingers. Lastly, when I when to my pediatirican many years ago because I couldn't get my 2 year old to stop using a blanket. His answer to me was, don't worry about it,

[ctirish]

Jami, I raised two girls who are the mothers of my 5 grandchildren. Now I take care of two of the girls 5 days a week. I also ran a daycare for 7 years when my girls were little, so I feel like I have some experience in this area. IMHO - (in my humble opinion) - I would not take the blanket away from him at this point. One reason is that you lost that round the first time when you talked to him about it and didn't take it away then. Now he would turn into a battle you probably would not win. The stress of that would only have him sucking on his fingers even more than he does now.
If I were you, I would continue with telling him he can't take it with him anywhere, grandma's, a cousin, the blanket has to stay in his bed. I would tell him these are the rules once you are seven. Don't get into a discussion about it with him. Just state the rules and if he wants to discuss it- tell him this isn't a topic open for discussion. If he persists, just do not answer him.
Then you have a couple of choices, one is to not say another word about it and wait for him to give it up. The other choice includes not saying anything to him but wash the blanket every few days. The first week you wash it, you tear a corner or a worn spot so if will start coming apart as you wash it. I would wash it every few days and with a little help each week the blanket will get smaller.

You need to do this very gradually or he will catch on and start asking what is happening to his blanket. I would do this while he is in school or out somewhere so he doesn't see it happening. The bonus part of washing the blanket often is the smell that attracts him to it will disappear as well. The blanket then loses some of its appeal. As the blanket gets smaller - he may ask what is happening; just tell him the truth, things wear out and a blanket that old is not going to last much longer.
Be patient and as you see him become less attached to it - don't get excited and start making it smaller too quickly, he may not question you but he may become more attached to his blanket or increase the finger sucking method of comforting himself. While all of this is going on - he needs to find another method of comforting himself and that will take some time.
Part two of this is to take him to a pediatric orthodontist that you have spoken to in advance. You don't want him telling your son that the blanket or the finger sucking has to stop or he will ruin his teeth. You just want him to discuss ways to correct the problems with the shape of his mouth. If he needs an appliance to correct or maintain the shape of his mouth, that will help by deterring the finger sucking. He will realize an appliance interferes with the way he sucks on his fingers.
A couple of little things,. don't make any of this a big deal, the more important he thinks this or anything is to you, the more he will fight you on it. It has nothing to do with wanting to disappoint you or even do anything wrong, it is just what happens when kids feel their "little world" is being attacked. Lastly, I chose cutting the blanket a little bit each week until it was so small she didn't want to use it anymore. Luckily she doesn't sew so she won't read this and find out what happened to her blanket. Good luck, grandma jane

[debmac]

Lizanne,

She started saying she would stop in the third grade when she was in about the first grade. We all told her people would tease her if she sucked it at school, but she did not care. She decided the third grade all on her own, we just never let her forget the date she picked. Every few months I would remind her and it was like a countdown. I really did not expect her to quit when she started school, but she stopped cold turkey on the first day of school. We all made such a big deal out of her stopping the first day that we kept count on a calendat on how many days she would not suck it again, until we finally just forgot about it. She has a son now, who is thirteen months old. She made sure he never sucked his thumb. Everytime he would put it in his mouth she would take it out and put a pacifier in. But he has the same obsession about silky stuff. He has about three security blankets that he sleeps with every night. She will not let him take them out of the bed in the morning. She tells him every morning his blankets have to sleep during the day so they can stay awake all night to watch over him. He is so cute every morning putting them in the corner of his bed before he gets out.

[lizanne]

What a great idea of your daughter's, of course the blankets would need to sleep all day! I must tell that to my daughter (for my grandaughter). And your idea of keeping checks on the calendar is great too, littlies just love marking off calendars don't they.

I guess another way to go would be to rotate blankets and such so that they don't have a chance to get too attached to any one in particular. I don't know how it would go though, just a thought.

[Jami Johnson]

I actually have a happy ending to report. As tempted as I was to just hide the blanket when they got home from their river trip, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew it would really hurt his tender feelings. So, when he got home that night and was getting ready for bed I brought it to his attention that he’d gone several days without his blanket and perhaps this would be a good time to put the blanket away until he was ready to go to college and then he could have it back. His eyes welled up with big tears and he said he just couldn’t do it. I told him I understood and that was fine. We talked a little about the issues with his teeth, etc. And then at the last minute a thought popped in my head….bribery. Hehe. I told him if he would give me his blanket, I’d give him three new Nintendo DS games. It was a close call. He almost went for it, but not quite. I left it at that. Well, the next morning, he came down and said, I’m ready to give up my blanket for the DS games. He handed over the blanket and I gave him three new DS games and he hasn’t asked for it since. Wow, that was easy! The even better part is that I had three DS games I had bought off eBay a few months back that he didn’t know about so those are the “new” ones he got. He’s happy and I’m happy so life is good for the moment. The negative is he is still sucking his fingers to put himself to sleep. I’m hoping that stops over time.

Now, I need to decide what to do for my 21 month old and her blankie/thumb problem. LOL.

[StitchinGrandma]

Jami ~ What Mommy school did you attend anyway? I NEVER mentioned bribery because every Mother I've know has always thought of that the very first thing whether they used it or not. :p You are so funny. Had I known you didnt' even think of that, I surely would have mentioned it first.

That's great he's given it up. Since siblings many times listen to each other more than their parents it might be a good idea to have Cameron start talking to his little sister about being a 'big girl' so she can be like him now that he doesn't need his blankie. ;) It just might work because surely she's noticed he isn't dragging his around now. Just explain to him you need him to help you talk to her but not take it away from her because that will upset her more and remind him that you didn't do that to him for the same reason. She might be open to this especially if she looks up to her big brother a lot. That would be my first thing to try.

Good luck.

[Jami Johnson]

Oh, Vicki! I love the idea of bribery, but hate using it on my kids. I really want them to learn to make good choices because it's the right thing to do, not because they're being given something else unrelated in return. However, that's not to say I don't use it...as evidenced previously. In fact, with four children and less patience, I find myself using it more and more. It eats me up inside, but sometimes, it just has to be done. Desperate times, call for desperate measures. Haha.

Good idea on the tip for little sister. However, I don't know if she's old enough to fully comprehend that. I do think she understands more than what we think she does, but just not sure how much. KWIM?

[StitchinGrandma]

LOL Whew. I was afraid we were going to have to flunk you out of Mommydom. HA :p I'm happy to see you have used bribery before. Yes, it is something that you don't want to do too much. I totally understand. I was the same way.

It sure can't hurt to try. I know from watching my own kids at that age they know MUCH more than we give them credit for. Little ones though always look up to thier older brother/sister and she may have already noticed his is gone.

[Jami Johnson]

Haha. Glad I saved myself from being a flunkie. ;)

I'll give it a try. I'm just not sure David will be on board of taking it away so soon. He's such a softie!

[StitchinGrandma]

Just remind him braces are very expensive. The earlier they let go of those habits, the less those chances are you'll be mortgaging your house to pay for them. LOL

[Jami Johnson]

Good point!

[SharonK]

I have sucked my thimb all my life:D If I could type with just my left hand, my right thumb would be in my mouth now:rolleyes: I notice I only suck my thumb when I am tired or sad or worried about something. I would NEVER do it in front of people although I do it in front of my kids and my husband. My 8 year old is also a thumb sucker. I never tell her off for it as I know how good it is:p

I have never had or needed braces though as when I was younger I was very concious of not pushing my front teeth forward with my thumb. Purely because I was worried about goofy teeth. I don't know if I saved my teeth by doing this or not.

I have no idea whether my daughter will need braces or not when she is older, the dentist has never mentioned them.

One thing I have noticed though is that braces seem to be alot more common in the US than the UK. Years ago when I was 18 I had atrip to London all arranged for me to meet a group of US students that were staying in the capital. I was shocked to see nearly all of them had big thick silver braces on their teeth. In fact I would say 8 out of 10 of them had a brace. Whereas UK braces were a thin piece of wire attatched by a plate that sat at the roof of the mouth and was removed at night and washed, the US braces were like thick silver and non removable with little square blocks of silver on each tooth.

Braces do not seem to be very common over here, in fact, I can't think of a single one of my kids friends that has one:hmmmm: Whoops, gone of topic a bit there...sorry lol

[katiedoodles]

I just returned from vacation with my sister and her family. My 17 year old niece had a pillowcase that I had embroidered for her on her bed...lo and behold it had the remnants of her blanket and bunny wrapped up in it.

[StitchinGrandma]

So? While searching for something else I happened to run into this again. How's this going Jami? Did the blankie habit get kicked yet?

[Jami Johnson]

So? While searching for something else I happened to run into this again. How's this going Jami? Did the blankie habit get kicked yet?

Ahhh, so sweet of you to ask. Cameron has successfully kicked the blankie habit, thank goodness. And I think he's kicked the finger sucking along with it...at least that I can tell. He might do it subconsciously in the middle of the night, but not that I've noticed. However, I can tell his two top middle permanent teeth that have come in have been effected by it. :( Oh well, I have nothing better to do with my money than lots of dental work...haha.

[StitchinGrandma]

Well that's good.....I think. Too bad it's affected his front teeth though. I guess since you may be fixing those teeth we'll be able to look forward to many more big sales then eh? :p

[Jami Johnson]

Haha. Good point, Vicki. Either more big sales or I'm going to have to start... Well, let's not go there. :D

[StitchinGrandma]

Haha. Good point, Vicki. Either more big sales or I'm going to have to start... Well, let's not go there. :D

NO! :mad: Don't even think about that. :eek:

[ctirish]

Jami, so many ways to do it. Since he is seven, I would go with the slow but things wear-out method. While he is away, his blanket is going to get washed and when things get washed and they are old they start to come apart. You can tear an edge or start pulling threads something that will continue to come apart as he uses it. Also, this is a good time for washing it something he will not like the smell of. It can be Mr. Clean, Pine Sol, any type of soap where the smell is not great. If soaps don't bother him, you may need to find a men's soap that he doesn't like. The reason for doing it this way are a couple - first - you aren't taking anything away from him. Second- he learns material things don't last forever, but mom and dad are there every night for hugs as his blanket gets smaller and smaller. He is still going to be upset as his blanket gets smaller and you need to keep washing it on a weekly basis so it continues. Having said that - you need to keep a close eye on how he handles things that don't go his way. - does he start waking up at night, is he sucking his fingers more now- is he showing any fears of being away from you. Is he showing any problems in school. The reason we all like a security blanket is because they make life easier, so you can't change things without expecting a reaction of some sort. If you start seeing problems - at this age you need to help him find words for how he feels - so many kids today don't know how to explain how they feel with words. This is important because you don't want him to start finding bad ways to cope with things. If you think there are too many reactions or he is not coping well at all with the blanket shrinking, they let him have it. My pediatrician said to me when one of mine wouldn't give up something and he said, they don't go to college or get married - sucking their thumbs , hugging a blanket or a doll. Peer pressure is powerful and he will give it up when the cost isn't worth it. You should try to have them give it up so they learn better ways of coping but you don't want it to cause more problems. Good luck, I keep you in my prayers

[Jami Johnson]

Thanks for the advice, grandmaJane. That makes perfect sense and seems like a sensible way to make the transition.